y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
