i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
