I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
