I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
