omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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