It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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