Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
