I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
