Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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