Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
