He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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