the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Jerry, you need to find god
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Randomize
