And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
