She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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