Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
