when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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