do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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