i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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