I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
