I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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