Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
