I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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