I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
