I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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