guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
