dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
