Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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