3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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