Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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