12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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