This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
