He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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