Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
