I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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