I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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