He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yo dont text me then not text me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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