True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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