I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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