good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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