With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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