Nicole vs. Life
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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