im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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