Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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