yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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