you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
