mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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