Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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