i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
