I just made out with a guy for $7.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
