i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize