and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
