pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
