Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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