i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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