it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
