Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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