If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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