there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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