"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
