i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
