Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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