Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
