apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize