My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the condom got lost in my hair
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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