The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize