I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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