i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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