do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
