So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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