just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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